Mehhhhh. I dont wanna be her. I dont. I really dont. Who wants to grow up to be a spoiled brat? Who wants to be the kind of person who throws a temper tantrum as a 64 year old woman just because she didnt get what she wanted? Who wants to ignore the person who upset her just because she didnt do what they wanted? No. One. Okay sure I gained some of her mannerisms because, duh, I live with her. But to turn out like her? No. Im gonna have to start cutting her off because it is not up to her. My paychecks are not for her to just use as she pleases. No. I have things that I wanna do with MY money that I earned. You have your own job now so you do what you what with what YOU earned. Im about to play dumb on Saturday morning and tell you that I dont have enough money for you (knowing clearly that I do) and then start telling you no. And on top of that, I dont give a flying fuck if you decide to ‘cut me off’ whenever I dont do something ‘the way you want it’. Mother fucker, I dont ask you for much of anything nowadays. In fact, Im paying for shit YOU need/want. If anyone is gonna be cutting someone off, Its gonna be me to you. You want your eyebrows done? Use your money. You want groceries we really dont need? Use your money. You want your hair done? Use your money. You want to get your nails done? Use. Your. Money. Im done. Im done.

Like I want the difference so bad that my mind is playing tricks on me. Every. Single. Time. a car passes down my street, I think its you. Then my heart leaps and I get all excited….only to have it drop back down when I bitterly realize that its not. I know better, I really do but I cant help it. I also dont understand why you say you always want me by your side and want to spend as much time with me as possible, but then when I suggest time for us to actually hang out, you say no. Like wtf? I dont get that. I seriously have no problem coming over after work just to see you but you dont want to. Im….just confused.

I can admit it. Im bored. Seriously…bored. I just want you to be more spontaneous! Is that too much to ask for? Like when we fight, I want you to drive over in the middle of the night to my house so we can talk it out or I want you to call me in the middle of the day just to say I love you or I miss you. I want you to seriously get me in the mood and then give me the pounding of a lifetime in the backseat of your car. Just things like that! That would make me so seriously happy, you dont even know. You know I leave relationships because I get/got bored. The only difference is that Im not willing to let this relationship go and so willing to work on it because I love you, so very much. But this has got to change. It has to.

Aghhhhh. Sometimes being a girlfriend is so tiring. I mean dont get me wrong, I love my boyfriend with all my heart and soul but…christ almighty can he work my last nerve. Like Im the kind of person who likes to stay mad about something, as wrong as that is, I just do. So when someone tells me to just “get over it”, I get even madder. Like dont tell me to get over it! AGH that just makes me mad! Like I understand that you’re the kind of person who just doesnt want confrontation and just wants to move on but I just cant do that. I really cant. And at that, you cant get mad at me for being mad at you. That doesnt make sense. At. All. Also its such a time consuming thing. Like I loveeee spending time with him but there are some times when I just wanna lay in bed for a week and not move. UGH and those times when I think about giving head? Oh. My god. I just…just no. I’ll have a weird craving for it once in a blue moon but when I dont wanna do it, I truely…do not wanna do it. Blegh. Ugh I cant rant about everything in one post. Ill have to come back. GOD does it feel good to let this stuff out.